All I Ever Wanted
by TheMusicalFish
Summary: "He pondered for a moment, realizing that in the end, she was everything that he wanted and needed, and he just wanted to be the same for her. But he was never enough." HavocAi finally! Kind of angsty...RoyAi implied. Rated T! Review&Request!
1. Good Morning

**Chapter 1: Good Morning?**

**A/N: So finally, I ended up beginning a HavocAi story like I promised! I'm not too sure where this is going to go, but I've written one chapter, so here you go! I hope you like it!**

**P.S. – I would ask for reviews, but I think it's a mute point, as no one ever reviews. You'd think that after getting 200 hits on one chapter you'd have more than one review (-sad rant about my life-). Although it's appreciated from those who do (wait…did I just ask you for reviews?)!**

'_Damnit.'_ She thought as she lay in his bed with his arms enveloping her in their warmth. She never wanted this to happen, and truthfully, it shouldn't have happened. The worst part of it was that she was growing accustomed to it. The way he smelled of embers and strong cologne. The way his chest rose and fell on her back with his every breath…

Riza Hawkeye rolled over to face the man next to her. He noticed her movement, and his eyes fluttered open in an instant of pure, innocent blue. As Jean's eyes focused on a sleepy-eyed Riza, a small smile began to play on his face as he realized that once again, he had won, and she hadn't been able to say no. He too knew that what they were doing was certainly out of the question, but how could he possibly keep away from her? Mornings like these were exactly the type of thing that further complicated their situation. The way she looked when she woke up was simply breathtaking, and he wouldn't have wanted her to share mornings like these with anyone but him.

She stared at the clock over his shoulder that read 8:00 A.M. Normally she would have already been late to work, but today was a Saturday and they could both sleep in (or something like that) to their hearts' content. She smiled up at him, taking in the mess of blonde atop his head and suggesting a shower. "Yeah…you're probably right." He replied as he looked dead-on into her eyes for a moment before stumbling groggily out of his bed and heading towards the bathroom.

As soon as Jean had closed the door and she heard the water turn on, she slowly got up from the massive jumble of bed sheets, pillows and strewn undergarments and wrapped one of the blankets around her body as she gathered up her clothes to get dressed. All the while, she thought about Roy Mustang, and justified herself repeatedly sleeping with Jean to his sleeping around with other women. She knew it sounded like she was out for revenge, but she wasn't out for revenge. Or was she?

Jean stepped into the warm shower and stood comfortably for a moment, thinking. Last night. It was one of those nights where he almost regretted ever enticing her and bringing her into his bed. Last night. It was beautiful, he thought. Beautiful, yet maddening, heartbreaking, and earth-shattering. Just once, he thought, it would be a miracle if just once she would say _his_ name in bed. Just once. But it had always been this way. She had never said anything until the fourth time. And the name had been that of his superior officer, Mustang. She always said his name, and when their eyes met in that one moment, he could see the longing in hers, wishing that his were deep onyx instead of blue, and that his hair was raven black, instead of blonde. The worst part of it was; he forgave her every time. He shouldn't want to be with her like this when she clearly wants someone else. So why did he? He pondered for a moment, realizing that in the end, she was everything that he wanted and needed, and he just wanted to be the same for her. But he was never enough.

Riza turned off the burner for the coffee pot and filled two cups. She couldn't help but wonder how Jean put up with her. They didn't meet as often anymore, maybe once or twice a week, but still. The fact that she let Mustang's name slip again last night haunted her. It wasn't supposed to, but it had. She really did like Jean. He wasn't that bad once you got past the disgusting cigarettes and his love of curvaceous women. In fact, she might like to say that she would actually have a relationship with him if their beginning hadn't been so awkward and impersonal.

They had started out with sex. Just sex, no strings attached. And that's when they had both figured out that it wasn't going to work. But the physical attraction never ceased, and in the end, always won. That's why she was here, making them coffee on a Saturday morning. Because she realized that what she wanted to have with Jean Havoc she couldn't have, and it was all because she couldn't keep her damned mouth shut in bed.


	2. The Final Straw

**Chapter 2: The Final Straw**

**A/N: Here's chapter two! I'm starting to think that these chapters are just going to be compilations of Riza and Jean dealing with their feelings about their "affair" if that's what you'd call it. So thus far, I wouldn't expect a stream-lined story. Thanks for reading!**

**PS- This one actually gets mildly steamy. I'm kind of surprised with myself. I don't know if I'll ever have to change the rating… I'm thinking I might. But of course, you'll understand that when you get to the end of this chapter. :)**

It never ceased to amaze Jean how Riza could be so cavalier during work. She would keep to her paperwork, occasionally glancing up to make sure that the men were staying on-task, but never looking anyone straight in the eye. The way she ignored him was almost painful, but seemingly normal to everyone else. He watched as she stood up, straightened the papers on her desk, and headed out without a word for her usual lunch break. He watched Mustang follow her out as he sometimes did, and for some reason, it made him angry.

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"Is this seat taken?" Mustang asked. "Of course not, sit." Hawkeye responded, barely looking up to make sure that it was indeed him. "You know," he began, "you're unusually quiet lately. Are you feeling alright?" he asked with a small tone of concern. "Of course, Sir, I feel fine." She said, looking him in the eye for a brief moment. "And that's what you always say. Somehow, I don't believe you." He replied with a smirk of suspicion on his face. "I'd rather not discuss it at the moment Sir, if you don't mind." She said. "Well, that's your decision I suppose. You know where to find me when you _do_ want to talk." He told her as he stood up from his spot, barely having touched his lunch. She thought to herself that he had almost seemed mad at her, probably at her usual lack of emotion and wanting help with her problems. She had always been a rather emotionally isolated woman.

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She felt her back against the door, as something else pressed against her leg through her military uniform. She stumbled to take her boots off, and remove his coat in the process. He kissed her roughly as he held her body against his and moved them slowly and clumsily towards the bedroom. Something furry yipped at their feet as they found the doorway. "Sit." She muttered, her voice muffled by his lips anxiously joining with hers. She fisted her hands in his hair as he gently brought her down to the bed and took off both of their uniform jackets. She removed his undershirt from the waist of his pants and pulled it over his head in between their heated kisses, and flipped them over so that she was on top. Tonight, she was going to make a conscious effort to be with Jean, and ignore all of the damned Xingese features that would so temptingly push vividly at the edges of her mind.

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Jean sat up in bed and looked to his left to see the blonde woman sleeping soundly on the other side of her bed. "Riza." He said flatly. When she didn't wake he leaned down by her ear and shook her shoulder haphazardly as he said her name a bit louder this time. "Riza. Wake the hell up." Still no inflection in his deep voice. She awakened with a bit of a start, and looked up at Jean's eyes for a moment in question as to why he had woken her so rudely. Normally, if he woke first he would simply let her sleep a while longer and get a head start on making the coffee. "What do you want?" She asked, clearly annoyed and frustrated by waking to an irritated Jean Havoc. "I just thought I'd let you know that I've finally had it. I'm done." He said, his tone no different than before. "Done? With what, may I ask?" She inquired. "You. This. Everything." She stared at him a moment, clear confusion on her face. She really had made a great effort to be with Jean and only Jean last night. So what was wrong? "I…I don't understand. Why?" "You honestly don't know?" She shook her head, knowing that her past with calling out names in bed hadn't been the best, but he'd never addressed them before, so what made right now so special?

He chuckled slightly, "I can't take another night of you pretending. Pretending that you're with _him_ when you're not. You're living a fucking fantasy, and I'm done playing along like we're kids. I have better things to do with my life than waste my time on someone who clearly doesn't have mutual feelings for me. So you choose. You can have all of me, or you can have none. But I won't continue to make a fool of myself and pretend that someday you'll come around and realize you love me. Because I think it's clear up to this point where your loyalties lie." She stared at him blankly in shock, saying nothing for a moment. "And what if I can't choose." It wasn't a question. "Maybe I actually have feelings for the both of you." "Well you can't have both of us." He responded, he had let his voice crack as he said it, and immediately regretted it. "Well then I suppose it's kind of a no-brainer. It's not like the Colonel has showed any interest in me whatsoever. How could I choose him and leave you in the dust? Do you honestly think I could do that to you after all that you've done for me? I don't think so." "Choosing me isn't just the simple, easy way to guaranteed sex, you know. In fact, you're going to have to prove yourself to me. If you ever want something physical again, you're going to have to earn my emotional trust first. And while that really sounds like a bad movie cliché, you're just going to have to deal with it." He said, looking deep into her eyes to pick out any sort of emotion he could find. "Also," he began, "this means that if you say anyone else's name but mine in bed, I'm leaving, and you will not be getting another chance with me." She nodded her head in understanding and pulled him into a warm hug.

"I have a good feeling by now that you're worth it. I'm sorry." He nuzzled his face into her hair and took in her scent as he hugged her back whole-heartedly, aiming to put the past behind him and begin with Riza all over again.

**A/N: There you have it. I will never write a complete lemon, because I would feel awkward trying to write it, but I'm thinking that some limes might end up growing on this little story tree I have going. Let me know what you thought in a review or PM. :) **


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